Insight To Chaos

Here’s an interesing thought: I’m an actor who doesn’t like to say I’m an actor. When people ask you what you do, do you tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Are you only what you do? I suppose in this case, I wouldn’t be an actor then. But then, I don’t know what I am. Does one say “I do this, but only for now because I really want to do this.” then? I do not know what I am, only what I want to be. But at what point could I, would I, or should I be able to say I am? Is it okay to be many things at once? It’s as if I want desperately to say only one thing, but in my heart I’ll never know what that is. Troubling? yes. Confusing? yes. Long-winded? Of course. My life is surrounded by wonderful people. Does that make me by default a wonderful person as well? Modesty should tell me no. But modesty always has been that bitch in the back row heckling the shit out of my performances. I don’t know what I am, or who I am. And that is okay…depending on my mood.
Oh, and all of this is just emotions finding a way out of me. It won’t be so bad one day after I’ve finally….