Insight To Chaos

How fucked up is it when you are at a point that you have so much to say – or in this case type – and no means to do it. I had all this shit to unload a couple of days ago. Not about anything overly special, at least not to anybody who might read this. But still it was a lot of shit. Of course though, i was nowhere near a computer. by the time i got here, it was all gone. What’s even more amazing is that since that day that i had so much to unload nothing has happened. Here’s my fucked up boring ass schedule as it stands currently: wake up go to work come home sleep/wake up go to work go to school come home sleep. It’s truly amazing how small my world has become. None of this is really on purpose…at least not on my part. i just don’t know that i necessarily fit in anywhere anymore and at this point in my life i feel like it’s my destiny to float around never really fitting in. no i don’t really feel like that, but i do wonder. I’ve spent many years trying to figure out what kind of person i want to be and i’m sure i will spend many more doing just that. i think though what i am longing for at this point is for someone else to see what kind of person i am and really like what they see. Don’t misread. i’m not saying i don’t have friends or nobody out there loves me. I do…have all of that stuff…i think. Too many times in my life have i come across people who love to hang out with me…when i’m happy or easygoing. but it’s when i’m sad, that’s when people don’t always know what to do with me. Heh. or when i’m mad. Don’t get me wrong, i know full well how big of a bitch i am…especially when i’m mad. but it never lasts and i usually do calm down after i get to talk about it. but a lot of people seem to be afraid of my anger, at least when they think it’s directed at them. Eh. there is much about the world i don’t understand. i’ve ranted on about nothing specific for way longer than i really should have. I’m sure, even after writing all of that, i will continue to try to understand that which will never be understood. Really, it’s just the way i am…