Insight To Chaos

I was told earlier that I need to blog more. So, here I am…blogging. Truth is, I’ve kinda had a lot on my mind lately anyway. The thing is, even though I know that what this is for, I still don’t always want to spew out my mental ramblings. How about that? I feel guilty unloading my constant mental blather onto the one place that it’s meant to go. That’s cheap.
I’ve felt very restless lately. I feel like I’ve become fantastic at making small decisions for myself, but I’m only capable of fantasizing about the big ones. I think it’s the commitment of it all. Big decisions generally require big changes. That’s scary. It’s the things that are out of my control that hinder me as well. I know I’m psychologically holding myself back from a lot of things. I don’t know. I’ve come a long way in the past few years, but I’m impatient.
My weight bothers me. I feel like less of a real person like this…less visible. I’m doing something wrong and I’m really not sure how to fix it. Perserverance I guess.
How does one make up for a lack of closure? Why does it take so little to feel inconsequential? Bah! The idea of finding a will and a way just seems so distant sometimes. I don’t know what’s worse, being in an irrational mood or knowing that my mood is irrational and temporary …