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Insight To Chaos

Adventures Through La La Land…

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Sun
7
Mar '10

You might as well say, “I dare you.”

You might as well say,

Fri
26
Feb '10

Never Give Up.

“NEVER GIVE UP
No matter what is going on
Never give up
Develop the heart
Too much energy in your country
Is spent developing the mind
Instead of the heart
Be compassionate
Not just to your friends
But to everyone
Be compassionate
Work for peace
In your heart and in the world
Work for peace
And I say again
Never give up
No matter what is going on around you
Never give up”

— Dalai Lama XIV

Tue
23
Feb '10

A Ball And A Biscuit.

In the last 72 hours I: got called an enigma; danced my ass off; received very unexpected, albeit joyous news; took a long drive; had the most delicious Pad Thai; enjoyed the hell out of good company; got a kick out of odd company; took another long drive; had a really great revelation; received some truly sad news; grieved; encountered strange shadows from my childhood; woke up in Clumsy Town; reorganized my office; busted my forehead open on the corner of a shelf, pinched my arm and welted my shin; caught the universe sending me signs; received two very promising opportunities; stumbled upon another bewildering conversation…

If this continues, I’m buying a helmet. Bring it on.

Compassion. Economy. Humility. Always.

Thu
4
Feb '10

Send In The Clowns

Musicals and marching bands. Maybe two of my favorite things.

I came across this particular version at a funeral of all places. A friend who died very tragically in a car accident, was also a member of the SC Vanguard Drum & Bugle Corp. So to honor him, the horn line stood in formation behind his grave and played this song.

Both because of that and despite it, this may just be my absolute favorite rendition of this song. It’s so beautiful and yet so sad. I always find myself listening to it if it’s there.

If you’re interested, here it is. I hope you enjoy it.

Mon
11
Jan '10

2010: Off and Crawling…

Yeah, I think that’s a good pace for now. I’ve made my list of things I would like to accomplish in the coming months. A lot of simple around-the-house stuff, but also a couple of bigger things – goals broken down into steps so they don’t seem so overwhelming. I am acutely determined, which is great considering my substantial lack of motivation over the last few months. Even my couch is tired of me just sitting there. So I figure it’s time to figure something out and get moving at whatever pace necessary. It’s funny too because it’s turned into a kind of disgruntled ambition to just keep moving – imagine repeating all the uplifting mantras, but through gritted teeth. I enjoy it, my own self-deprecating way of keeping myself entertained and moving forward. Crawling is good, I’m considering it an exercise in concentration and patience.

I have something to prove…to myself.

Yesterday marked 4 years of not smoking. Crazy. Enough time has passed now that sometimes it seems like it was more of a dream. That is until that heavy feeling in my chest surfaces and I remember what it was like to smoke it away. Even after 4 years, the only thing that keeps from smoking again is knowing what I went through to quit. Nonetheless, if that’s what keeps me from starting again so be it. Besides, for me it isn’t so much about the anniversary of not smoking as it is a continual reminder of possibilities and potential. It’s important to me for me to remember that. I said for a very long time that quitting and then adapting my life to not having that habit anymore was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I don’t know if that will always be true, I can imagine harder things in my life. Regardless of that, I think the lesson will always be there.

At some point around my one-year mark, I had a thought: If that was supposed to be the hardest thing I ever got through and I proved to myself I could do it, then what else had I always wanted to do, but didn’t due to some fear-based excuse? The list was long and at that point, I could no longer logically find even one reason not to at least try. I figured I owed it to myself to take away the limits I had for so long placed on my own potential.

Honestly, I think I was already headed for a lesson like that anyway. But kicking a big habit was just the good solid send-off I needed. If nothing else, it’s all been good practice in patience, determination and of course humility (my favorite). Yesterday came at a great time because I needed to remind myself of all that.

Just. Keep. Swimming.

Thu
31
Dec '09

Autobot City.

A few months back, in a conversation about being misunderstood, I quipped to a friend that we (him and I) could best be described as being like Transformers…we’re more than meets the eye. Then I suggested the same could actually be true for quite a few of us. He said it was even more accurate when trying to describe all of us as a group because, as he put it, “Together, we are greater than the sum of all our parts.” I enjoyed that. A proper description of who we are as individuals and as friends summed up quite appropriately by a 1980’s Saturday morning cartoon.

The thing is though, the same could be true for anybody. In my experience it quite often is. My favorite part of getting to know someone is finding out how any impressions I have formed match up with their personal reality, and I always find their version of who they are is much more interesting than anything I could make up. Maybe that’s just me though, I really don’t know.

I know I’ve gotten to hear a lot about how I have been perceived over the years, whether I asked or not. Some rather ill conceived notions and certainly a few clever estimations; all things worth considering upon self-examination. We all get that, I know. I just think it’s a shame how often comprehension gets left at the shallow end of the pool.

My mother says I don’t know when to quit, in an argument I always have to have the last word. I tell her it isn’t ever that I’m looking to win the discussion, it’s that I’m looking to be understood. All things considered here, she’s actually right…but so am I. Perception, the truth, even successful communication exists in the doing just as much (if not more so) as in the saying, and understanding comes from so much more than one argument. I forget sometimes that communication is a two-way street – reciprocity is required, and that quite often just takes time. This lesson is one I’ve had to learn more than once over the years. It’s very likely one that will follow me all of my life. People will ultimately only see what they are willing to see, whether it’s entirely true or not. The best you can do is be as much of yourself as you can stand from one day to the next, and remember to consider that everybody else is probably trying to doing the same. I think, context aside, the more you understand (and accept) yourself, the easier it is for others to do the same…ideally.

I often wonder if I sell myself (or others) short by disregarding first impressions. I don’t know, I don’t think so. I’m an open book; the translation may be a little rough sometimes, but that’s only the introduction.

I came to a point a few years ago – around the time I was about to graduate from college and we lost our house and my dad was injured where I was really just running around like a big, angry ball of stress all the time – when I got so tired of feeling pigeonholed by appearances. I gave up trying to communicate that and just said, “Fuck it. People are going to think what they want, always. If they want to know any different, they’ll ask.” What I learned from that is people rarely ask. When they do though…priceless.

My dad has had a plaque up in his office for as long as I can remember. It’s a cartoon picture of a gladiator lying flat on his back, giving the heckling masses the middle finger. Below it, a caption reads, “Non illigitamus carborundum – Don’t let the bastards grind you down.” Nothing is ever exactly as it seems. A little consideration can really go a long way.

…and here I sit, thinking, “didn’t I learn all of this from my Saturday morning cartoons?”

Thu
17
Dec '09

It’s The Same Thing

To know the Way,
We go the Way;
We do the Way
The way we do
The things we do.
It’s all there in front of you,
But if you try too hard to see it,
You’ll only become Confused.

I am me,
And you are you,
As you can see;
But when you do
The things that you can do,
You will find the Way,
And the Way will follow you.

Thu
3
Dec '09

Absurd.

Over the last few years, this issue has consistently wound me into an almost fanatical tirade over the absolute preposterousness of the very nature of the argument itself.  The idea that issues like this even exist in our current society make me all at once sad and cynical and…well, angry. Though, considering our world’s snail’s pace of a march toward basic, civil and human rights, this country’s leaps and bounds toward equality are merely baby steps toward that benevolent, albeit elusive, humanity we claim to have pioneered. (See? Ranting already.)

My prerogative is that the government does not belong in my personal life. I love my country, I pay my taxes, I do my civilian duty by serving wherever requested or required.  As such, under the Constitution of the United States as well as the Constitution of my home state of California, I am afforded certain inalienable rights – this includes my right to privacy.  It could be argued here that as pornography relates to freedom of speech (Hustler Magazine, Inc. v. Falwell), so should issues like marriage be related to the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th amendment.  In fact, it does:

“Loving v. Virginia (1967)
Author: Bram

Relevant Facts: PL’s are an interracial couple who were prosecuted on the basis of a VA statute which prohibited such marriages, punishable by fine and or jail time.  State Supreme Court upheld the lower court’s sentence of one year suspended with suspension on the premise the couple never returned to VA.  This Court reverses.

Issue: Under constitutional law, is a state statute that prosecutes parties who are interracially married violate the Equal Protection Clause when the statute is argued to be equally discriminatory?

Holding: No.  The framers of the Constitution did not intend for a statute which discriminates, even if equally, against race; such a statute is considered a violation of the EPC.

Court’s Rationale/Reasoning: The Court said the law involved in the case-at-bar is basically a furthering of white supremacy.  The State says the Framers’ intent in such a law was if there is a discriminatory effect, that it apply equally to parties.  They continue to add that if EPC does not outlaw mixed marriage statutes b/c of their reliance on racial classification, the question of constitutionality would thus become whether there was any rational basis for a State to treat interracial marriages differently from other marriages..

The Court rejects these arguments.  When a statute is not race-based, the Court will ask if there is a rational basis for the statute; it may defer to the states, but if there is no rational basis it is rendered void.  The State contends the Framers of the Constitution or the Framers of the 14th Amendment didn’t intend to make mixed marriage statutes unconstitutional.  But the Court says the clear intent of the 14th was to eliminate all official state sources of violative racial discrimination in the States (originalist argument).

VA’s statute is discriminatory on its face, as it discriminates against generally accepted conduct if engaged in by members of different races.  After applying strict scrutiny to the statute, the Court tried to figure out if they were necessary to the carrying out of a state objective, independent of the racial discrimination which it was object of the 14th Amendment to eliminate.

However, there is no independent issue aside from racial discrimination which justifies this classification.  The fact that the statute involves white interracial marriages is proof of the supremacist intent of the States framers.  The Court consistently denied the constitutionality of such statutes.  Bottom line is that the statutes also deprive the Lovings of liberty without due process of law in violation of the Due Process Clause of the 14th Amendment.  The freedom to marry has long been recognized as an essential right that the Court will enforce.

Rule: The clear and central purpose of the 14th Amendment was to eliminate all official state sources of invidious racial discrimination in the States.

The EPC demands that racial classifications, especially suspect in criminal statutes, be subjected to the “most rigid scrutiny.” and, if they are to be upheld, they must be shown to be necessary to the accomplishment of some permissible state objective, independent of the racial discrimination which it was the object of the 14th Amendment to eliminate.

Important Dicta: N/A.”

(source: http://www.4lawschool.com/conlaw/lov.shtml)

and

“The Equal Protection Clause of the 14th amendment of the U.S. Constitution prohibits states from denying any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws. See U.S. Const. amend. XIV. In other words, the laws of a state must treat an individual in the same manner as others in similar conditions and circumstances. A violation would occur, for example, if a state prohibited an individual from entering into an employment contract because he or she was a member of a particular race. The equal protection clause is not intended to provide “equality” among individuals or classes but only “equal application” of the laws. The result, therefore, of a law is not relevant so long as there is no discrimination in its application. By denying states the ability to discriminate, the equal protection clause of the Constitution is crucial to the protection of civil rights.”

(source:  http://topics.law.cornell.edu/wex/Equal_protection)

also

CALIFORNIA CONSTITUTION

ARTICLE 1  DECLARATION OF RIGHTS

SEC. 7.  (a) A person may not be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law or denied equal protection of the laws; provided, that nothing contained herein or elsewhere in this Constitution imposes upon the State of California or any public entity, board, or official any obligations or responsibilities which exceed those imposed by the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution with respect to the use of pupil school assignment or pupil transportation.  In enforcing this subdivision or any other provision of this Constitution, no court of this State may impose upon the State of California or any public entity, board, or official any obligation or responsibility with respect to the use of pupil school assignment or pupil transportation, (1) except to remedy a specific violation by such party that would also constitute a violation of the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution, and (2) unless a federal court would be permitted under federal decisional law to impose that obligation or responsibility upon such party to remedy the specific violation of the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment of the United States Constitution.

…

(b) A citizen or class of citizens may not be granted privileges or immunities not granted on the same terms to all citizens. Privileges or immunities granted by the Legislature may be altered or revoked.

SEC. 7.5.  Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.

(source:  http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/.const/.article_1)

Just despicable.  However…

CALIFORNIA CONSTITUTION

ARTICLE 1  DECLARATION OF RIGHTS

SEC. 3.  (a) The people have the right to instruct their representatives, petition government for redress of grievances, and assemble freely to consult for the common good.

(source:  http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/.const/.article_1)

Translation:  Do your part! Call your Congressmen and Senators!  We all have powers far beyond picket signs and Facebook events to fix this. It’s time to make it happen.  The well being of this country as a whole might do well if it could concentrate more on helping the health, wealth and prosperity of ALL of its citizens instead of continuing to hinder some of them based on governmentally inconsequential prejudices.

Wed
2
Dec '09

For Equilibrium, a Blessing:

Like the joy of the sea coming home to shore,
May the relief of laughter rinse through your soul.

As the wind loves to call things to dance,
May your gravity by lightened by grace.

Like the dignity of moonlight restoring the earth,
May your thoughts incline with reverence and respect.

As water takes whatever shape it is in,
So free may you be about who you become.

As silence smiles on the other side of what’s said,
May your sense of irony bring perspective.

As time remains free of all that it frames,
May your mind stay clear of all it names.

May your prayer of listening deepen enough to hear in the depths the laughter of god.

John O’Donohue

Sun
22
Nov '09

A Ninth Profile.

In 1964, one year after President John F. Kennedy was assassinated, a memorial edition of his book, Profiles in Courage was released with a special foreword written by his brother, Robert.  That same year, my father, in his senior year of high school, bought his very own copy for 75 cents.  18 years later, I found it on a bookshelf in Dad’s office.  My fascination with Kennedy’s political career and ultimate demise was already a few years old and, naturally, I was thrilled at the discovery of new material.  After my father explained what the book was about and how Kennedy won a Pulitzer Prize for it, he gave it to me.  He told me that it was a fantastic book and how he felt it should be required reading for all students, interested in politics or not.  I was twelve.

Today marks the 46th anniversary of President Kennedy’s assassination.  His words, his intentions, his hopes for the country and the world hold just as true today as they did then, perhaps more so. The following is the last half of Robert Kennedy’s foreword; the conclusion to an inspiring preface, equaled in relevance and worth to the words and profiles that follow.

Thomas Carlyle wrote, “The courage we desire and prize is not the courage to die decently but to live manfully.”

On the morning of his death, President Kennedy called former Vice President John Nance Garner to pay his respects.  It was Mr. Garner’s ninety-fifth birthday.  When Mr. Garner first came to Washington the total federal budget was less than 500 million dollars.  President Kennedy was administering a budget of just under 100 billion dollars.

President Kennedy’s grandmother was living in Boston when President Kennedy was assassinated.  She was also alive the year President Lincoln was shot.

We are a young country.  We are growing and expanding until it appears that this planet will no longer contain us.  We have problems now that people fifty, even 10 years ago, would not have dreamed would have to be faced.

The energies and talents of all of us are needed to meet the challenges – the internal ones of our cities, our farms, ourselves – to be successful in the fight for freedom around the globe, in the battles against illiteracy, hunger and disease.  Pleasantries, self-satisfied mediocrity will serve us badly.  We need the best of many – not of just a few.  We must strive for excellence.

Lord Tweedsmuir, one of the President’s favorite authors, wrote in his autobiography:  “Public life is the crown of a career, and to young men it is the worthiest ambition.  Politics is still the greatest and most honorable adventure.”

It has been fashionable in many places to look down on politics, on those in Government.  President Kennedy, I think, changed that and altered the public conception of Government.  He certainly did for those who participated.  But, however we feel about politics, the arena of Government is where the decisions will be made which will affect not only all our destinies but the future of our children born and unborn.

At the time of the Cuban missile crisis last year, we discussed the possibility of war, a nuclear exchange, and talked about being killed – the latter at that time seemed so unimportant, almost frivolous.  The one matter which really was of concern to him and truly had meaning and made that time much more fearful than it would otherwise have been was the specter of the death of the children of this country and around the world – the young people who had no part and knew nothing of the confrontation, but whose lives would be snuffed out like everyone else’s.   They would never have been given a chance to make a decision, to vote in an election, to run for office, to lead a revolution, to determine their own destinies.

We, our generation, had. And the great tragedy was that if we erred, we erred not just for ourselves, our futures, our homes, our country, but for the lives, futures, homes and countries of those who never had been given an opportunity to play a role, to vote “aye” or “nay,” to make themselves felt.

Bonar Law said, “There is no such thing as inevitable war.  If war comes it will be from failure of human wisdom.”

It is true.  It is human wisdom that is needed not just on our side but on all sides.  I might add that if wisdom had not been demonstrated by the American President and also by Premier Khrushchev, then the world as we know it would have been destroyed.

But there will be future Cubas.  There will be future crises.  We have the problems of the hungry, the neglected, the poor and the downtrodden.  They must receive more help.  And just as solutions had to be found in October of 1962, answers must be found for these other problems that still face us.  So that wisdom is needed still.

John Quincy Adams, Daniel Webster, Sam Houston, Thomas Hart Benton, Edmund G. Ross, Lucius Quintus Cincinnatus Lamar, George Norris and Robert Taft imparted a heritage to us.  They came, they left their mark, and this country was not the same because these men had lived.  By how much the good of what they did and deeded to us was cherished, nurtured and encouraged, by so much did the country and all of us gain.

And so it is also for John F. Kennedy. Like these others, his life had an import, meant something to the country while he was alive.  More significant, however, is what we do with what is left, with what has been started.  It was his conviction, like Plato’s, that the definition of citizenship in a democracy is participation in Government and that, as Francis Bacon wrote, it is “left only to God and to the angels to be lookers on.”  It was his conviction that a democracy with this effort by its people must and can face its problems, that it must show patience, restraint, compassion, as well as wisdom and strength and courage, in the struggle for solutions which are very rarely easy to find.

It was his conviction that we should do so successfully because the courage of those who went before us in this land exists in the present generation of Americans.

“We dare not forget today that we are the heirs of that first revolution.  Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans – born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage – and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world.”

This book is not just the stories of the past but a book of hope and confidence for the future.  What happens to the country, to the world, depends on what we do with what others have left us.

—Robert F. Kennedy

December 18, 1963