Insight To Chaos

Something struck me as I was getting in my car this morning, but I didn’t know what.  I looked over at my mom and said, “There’s something about today…” She just looked at me. I looked at the little calendar on my dash. May 11th. “Today is Jimi’s birthday, maybe that’s it?”  That wasn’t it…

A few days ago, out of what felt like nowhere, a song popped in my head and would not leave.  The Israel Kamakawiwo’ole version of Somewhere Over The Rainbow.  That song always reminds me of David. It was one of the songs played at his funeral, and though I’ve heard it in a number of places since, that link is still the most prominent.  He still crosses my mind from time to time – even after 5 years, missing him hasn’t gotten any easier.  It just seemed kind of random to have that song start playing in my head.

Then this evening, while I was straightening up around the house, I went to my nightstand to put my glasses away, jarred open the drawer and some old pictures slid forward.  The only picture of the two of us was on top.  I picked it up thinking of how long it had been since I actually looked at that photo.  I smiled at us smiling back at me.  Then it hit me.  We started dating in early May.  I thought, what were the odds that today was…no, no way.  Then I counted back 5 years.  May 11th was the anniversary of us.  I sat there astounded, feeling somewhat haunted.

I never knew completely what to do with him – he just had this remarkable way about him that totally caught me off guard.  But before I could figure any of it out, he was gone.

He’s been one of very few that really, really got to me.  I hate that he’s gone.  I wish I could talk to him.  It’s funny how different memories come up, the different sensory triggers that incite remembrance.  I really never knew we started dating on the 11th, just that it was early May.  And yet, somehow, there was just something about today…