Insight To Chaos

Who am I? What do I want? How will I get it? What are my obstacles? How will I move past those obstacles to achieve what I want?
In acting, these are the first questions we are taught to answer for every character, for every scene. But the situation bears reasoning, why shouldn’t we also apply them in life? Aren’t these the very things we’re asked growing up? But why are they only grade school questions? Why is it we don’t wake up every morning with a new or sustaining answer to each of those questions? With every day’s answer culminating in a grander, perhaps even more compounded idea or answer to the very first question. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe you all do this every day. It wouldn’t surprise me at all to find that my copy of “Life for Dummies,” is missing a chapter or two.
Nonetheless, after spending so much time feeling completely scattered and directionless; after spending the greater part of my twenties reforming what pubescence left me, perhaps it’s a good time to ask myself these questions again. Less so in a grander sense this time. I no longer need to have an answer to what I want to be when I grow up. That question was always flawed anyway. Statistically speaking, I will be a million things to myself and to those around me, but odds are I will never be an astronaut. So why not break down the million things instead?
I am relevant to my world as I perceive it, not how it perceives me. Who am I? I am the driving force in my own happiness. I am sappy, silly, sardonic, defiant, loving, loyal, insightful and honest. I am the unexpected wall you are leaning on right now. I believe the greatest thing there is in this world is love, but I also believe it is a commodity worth deserving. As such, when I give it I do so with every fiber of my being. Ironically, I am only just learning to allow for the same for myself. I am everything you never thought to expect. I will continue to defy your under-estimation. The rest will come…day by day.