Insight To Chaos

A few months back, in a conversation about being misunderstood, I quipped to a friend that we (him and I) could best be described as being like Transformers…we’re more than meets the eye. Then I suggested the same could actually be true for quite a few of us. He said it was even more accurate when trying to describe all of us as a group because, as he put it, “Together, we are greater than the sum of all our parts.” I enjoyed that. A proper description of who we are as individuals and as friends summed up quite appropriately by a 1980’s Saturday morning cartoon.

The thing is though, the same could be true for anybody. In my experience it quite often is. My favorite part of getting to know someone is finding out how any impressions I have formed match up with their personal reality, and I always find their version of who they are is much more interesting than anything I could make up. Maybe that’s just me though, I really don’t know.

I know I’ve gotten to hear a lot about how I have been perceived over the years, whether I asked or not. Some rather ill conceived notions and certainly a few clever estimations; all things worth considering upon self-examination. We all get that, I know. I just think it’s a shame how often comprehension gets left at the shallow end of the pool.

My mother says I don’t know when to quit, in an argument I always have to have the last word. I tell her it isn’t ever that I’m looking to win the discussion, it’s that I’m looking to be understood. All things considered here, she’s actually right…but so am I. Perception, the truth, even successful communication exists in the doing just as much (if not more so) as in the saying, and understanding comes from so much more than one argument. I forget sometimes that communication is a two-way street – reciprocity is required, and that quite often just takes time. This lesson is one I’ve had to learn more than once over the years. It’s very likely one that will follow me all of my life. People will ultimately only see what they are willing to see, whether it’s entirely true or not. The best you can do is be as much of yourself as you can stand from one day to the next, and remember to consider that everybody else is probably trying to doing the same. I think, context aside, the more you understand (and accept) yourself, the easier it is for others to do the same…ideally.

I often wonder if I sell myself (or others) short by disregarding first impressions. I don’t know, I don’t think so. I’m an open book; the translation may be a little rough sometimes, but that’s only the introduction.

I came to a point a few years ago – around the time I was about to graduate from college and we lost our house and my dad was injured where I was really just running around like a big, angry ball of stress all the time – when I got so tired of feeling pigeonholed by appearances. I gave up trying to communicate that and just said, “Fuck it. People are going to think what they want, always. If they want to know any different, they’ll ask.” What I learned from that is people rarely ask. When they do though…priceless.

My dad has had a plaque up in his office for as long as I can remember. It’s a cartoon picture of a gladiator lying flat on his back, giving the heckling masses the middle finger. Below it, a caption reads, “Non illigitamus carborundum – Don’t let the bastards grind you down.” Nothing is ever exactly as it seems. A little consideration can really go a long way.

…and here I sit, thinking, “didn’t I learn all of this from my Saturday morning cartoons?”